Wednesday, October 30, 2013

How To Properly Clean Yourself For Anal Sex (ADULT BLOG!)

Its a well-accepted fact that if you are going to partake in anal sex, you may encounter feces. Everybody wants to go downtown to brown-town, but not everybody relishes (interesting word choice) being knee-deep in poo (or balls deep, as it were). Many people refuse to have anal sex, because they are worried they will drop a big old Cleveland steamer on their boyfriends junk, and he will never be able to look at them in the eye (or the brown eye) again. Ask anyone who is spiritually enlightened and they will tell you that it often does feel like you might evacuate your dance-floor when you are getting plowed up the pooper, but most of the time that is not the case. So how do we assure that we will be squeaky clean for our anal adventure?

1.) Douche: This is the most popular method of cleaning out your asshole. They even do it in hospitals, so you know it’s legit. It involves buying an enema at your local drug store (find one with a self-checkout unless you have no shame. Bravo to that), inserting the tube up your ass, and shooting water or saline into your colon to flush yourself out. A friend of mine used to douche so much she used a regular old water bottle. How? I have no clue. Then, you will have about 20-30 minutes of ass vomiting, which I find pretty uncomfortable. I was lucky enough to be born naturally clean, so I have only used an enema once, and then it was just as an experiment. To me, it was as annoying as having to explain to your boyfriend why there is a corn kernel stuck to his shaft.

2.) Starve yourself beforehand- The math behind this method is simple. If you don’t eat anything, you won’t shit on anyone’s dick. Side effects of this method are extreme glamour, weight loss, and an attitude so bitchy you aren't likely to agree to anal sex in the first place. But, if you are an African, or trying to make it in the modeling industry you are probably used to starving yourself anyway, so this may be the best method for you.

3.) Drop a deuce 20 minutes before- I have a friend who used to get up every morning, drink a cup of coffee, and lay his morning turd before his boyfriend would even wake up. This is the equivalent of a woman waking up, sneaking out of bed, and putting on makeup so her boyfriend never finds out she actually looks like a fucking gorgon. This method is pretty effective, especially if you know beforehand that someone is going to try and sneak in your back-door. The only downside is that sitting on a toilet doing Lamaze while your boyfriend waits in the other room with a slowly deflating hard-on isn’t exactly the best foreplay.
Follow these handy instructions, and you can safely enjoy anal sex without worry about any bullshit (or human shit) showing up and ruining the party. If all else fails, soak a feather duster in Lysol, shove it up your glory hole, and do the twist. Just don’t be surprised if your boyfriend comments on your lemony fresh stinker, turns to the camera, and winks.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Is it Fall yet? Where has Autumn gone?

Is it just me or did fall disappear this year?  Last year I remember the leaves changing and the cooler temps so much earlier kin of makes me home sick a little bit...I am a fall baby!  My birthday is coming soon and sweet lord I want it to be nice and cold, makes me think of holidays past always seems to get cold the day of or the night of my Tonight is a short blog inspired by the pictures of Fall...Enjoy Only posting 4 so do get overwhelmed...

Enjoy your Autumn everyone!  I pray you have a blessed holiday season coming this year...I am praying mine is as well, no presents or gifts, but I def wat to be with friends and family and all the good stuff!  Oh I can not wait! Pumpkin Pie and Turkey maybe even a holiday Ham...

Get ready for lots of photos!  LOL

Until then...
Peace Love & Chicken Grease!

Friday, October 11, 2013

Bass & Boobs!

Well not many of you out there know me on a personal level so I decided to give you more of an in site of what I do when I am not cooking or being a phone ho or well just a big ole fag...LOL

So, I have an amazing younger brother named Gabriel, he is the last member of my living immediate family, I love him very much and we always try to find a common ground so we can do things together or just to have things to talk about.

He is really into music, but then again so am I, however, our music tastes are very different we do agree on one thing we LOVE, and I mean LOVE, LOUD music...

He has this amazing system in his car which I will say I am jealous of, he likes his hip hop and rap but I am a total dubstep/House music kind of guy...

This is his system, if any of you know about Car Audio, DD (Digital Designs) then you know that is the best of the best and if not the closest thing to the best!

So he started this amazing group called "Bass & Boobs" on Facebook

Now the reason I am blogging about this is because I decided after he had started for a while to be an admin and help him grow his brand when I started he was just shy of 125 people now 2 months later hes almost to 1000 and I am sure it will keep growing, 

I find this to be amazing!

The power of social media has brought all these people with a common interest i am no stranger to social media and how it works but these people are great they are supportive and have really great taste in car audio...

If you are a bass head or someone who enjoys pretty girls or a nice car picture, stop by the page drop a message if you want to share a story or a picture of your own system.

Tell them admin ~EvIL~ sent ya!

Until then PEACE LOVE AND CHICKEN GREASE!  (Or Car Grease in this case!)

Back On the Grind!

So those of you that know me over the last 5 years I have been disabled and I still am...but its scary cause the amount of money they give you to live on is almost nothing.  some of you know I used to make that in one day on a good day!  So, I have been trying to find a way to supplement my, about a year ago my partner signed up for a job he just couldn't handle and little did he know I am a old pro!  So, I took over the job the second they called him for the interview by phone...I had decided to go back into the glamorous world of Adult entertainment, that is where I usually ended up any ways so I figured why not go for it again...
So I did.

That is right I started doing phone sex again, I was impressed with myself I knew I had it in me, hell its how I started off in the business at a very young age and kind of kept me in the business till I got sick, how ever I did dabble in other side of the business from movies(no not in front of the camera) to other things be hind the scenes at a escort service.  

Now I realized my work life has come a full circle and I really enjoyed doing what I do.
Now do not judge me!
I know we all have a skill something we are truly good at and in this life I realized my skill and what I do best is bring joy to those who need it...and yes folks I mean that way!

So, when in doubt all you happy heterosexual men, yes that is right I am a guy who can talk like a girl and you will never all you happy heterosexual men when you pick up that phone and dial your favorite girl named "Tina" who is a Hooters girl in south FL, that is me!  LOL

Now off to the salt mine where I will be your fantasy girl for the 5 minutes, hour or day that we talk!

Until then Peace Love & Chicken Grease!

Oh and happy Calling!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Which Way Is Up?

Have you ever found yourself wondering which way to go?

So, I have found myself at a cross roads in life...and sometimes I guess its always best to write down how you feel in case it happens again you can look back on the situation, so where to start, it has been a while since I have really blogged and its because I am afraid of who is reading if it might cause a problem and I am so over issues or drama or screaming matches...

Have you ever lost everything that you worked so hard for?
Have you had to move in with family cause you have no other options? 
That has been my life for the last 13 months and some days are definitely better then others. 
But then again I am sure you already knew that!

I find myself stressing so much these days over such small things like when am I going to be able to spend time with a friend or talk to someone who actually cares, I have learned over the last 13 months most people do not care, they are in it for themselves and if they can get something from you then they are happy, if they think they can't they have no use for you.  

My heart broke a few weeks back after a big fight with my mother in law, I had said some very mean things to her, even cussed at her which i should never have done, but then again I was responding to the attitude I was being given, I am not innocent by any means here however, I wouldn't have done that if I wasn't provoked. I was raised to believe that you never speak to anyone that way especially a mother no matter if she is yours or not.  

So, after this big blow out things got very rough for a while, and then things calmed down...
I had found out some things that were being said about me and my partner by her to other family members behind our backs, now I knew she would say stuff normally there was some truth behind it but now I find out all she was saying was lies, and that's what hurt I think more then anything, I am always hearing from her "you like to play the victim and I am always the villain" well this time to her whole family she was the victim and we were the villeins which really hurt...I have always offered to help if I can, fed and gave. 
To hear I was taking advantage and using her is what truly hurt...
I know its mindless dribble to everyone else but I have wanted nothing more then to have her like me...
I moved back to Florida with the assumption that she was going to treat me like her family, sadly I didn't know how she treated them, not that I do I am not surprised that I get treated the way I do...

I guess you can call me a soft heart the more I am treated like crap the more I try to make her like me and I guess that is on me and I can not hold anyone else responsible for it...
I wish it was different and I wish I would wake up tomorrow and her have a smile on her face and just hear the words "thank you."

Well, I guess that is my wishful thinking, even her own children tell me to take it with a grain of salt and tell me not to cry over it, I guess I should have learned by now...
One day maybe I will....
Until then what do you think? 
Any advice for me?

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Who Cut my Cupcake?

To be completely honest I do not know where to start then the beginning... 

I was on Facebook the other day and I saw a good friend of mine for a few years now post this cupcake that looked like it had been

I had shared it on my page and then the lovely and talented Andrea decided to revamp it a bit and we decided to make them our selves so here we go

Its a Red Velvet Cupcake

 Pretty Basic...
Then you add the Icing...

Then you have to make sugar magic and make shards of glass made out of sugar!

then comes the gory part, Andrea made an cornstarch blood to drizzle over it all to make it look like the cupcake was stabbed...
Now I am not a fan of Horror movies in the least how ever these cupcakes final product looked like they have been slashed open by glass shards!

It is amazing how crazy it looks and how awesome they I can not eat a lot of the sugar so I cheated today and had a cupcake with icing left the sugar "glass" on the side but it was a fun day getting to bake it and we didn't use anything pre-made we measured it all out and did it from scratch...Thank you Andrea for a fun filled day of killing cupcakes! I had fun! They were really good too!

Lets see what we can cook up next!

Peace Love and Chicken Grease!

Friday, April 19, 2013


 Hello everyone I'd like to introduce you to my fairy god daughters aunt..Kelly, she is a family attorney here in the state of Florida.  Now, I must say I have giggled at this woman before cause she isn't to bright...but then again most inbreed Jews from Aventura aren't, We have a history being that she has tried to screw my best friend over so many times regarding her child thinking she can put her law degree to use and its very sad because she can't seem to keep her brother out of jail long enough for him to take a shit in a Mikki D's rest room, lets just say he is a real winner!  Anyways! Back to this psycho crazy bitch, so she has the nerve to tell everyone elses business so I decided to put her ass on blast for once!  KELLY WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID ASS BIMBO!

Now this is why I call this dumb ass a bimbo, now only is she pregnant, she was having a bad day last week and this dumb ass decided to post on her Facebook page how she was driving with a cup filled with wine, now not only is she an active member of our great legal system but shes posting all her illegal activities on Facebook.  Not smart you horse looking dumb ass...Child endangerment, DUI, and I am sure they can add in a few other things. How can someone be proud of them selves acting like this you ask?  Well if I was worried my poor child was going to come out looking like you, Kelly I have one word for you abortion! Get rid of the child why would you think it was okay to act this way?  Now I am sure I myself have done some stupid things, but come on you are a lawyer who preaches the word of the law every 2 seconds to try to seem superior then everyone else...its pretty damn Pathetic if you ask me. I know you didn't but who give a fuck....

I think you need to be stopped from practicing law as well as stopped from hurting your children, forget you are pregnant, you have a young one at home...How about you worry about their lives and take care of the innocent and pray they do not turn out like you, I hope the father has better looks then you if not I will make a call to a good friend of mine "William Thacher" to Horse and Hound Magazine and set up an appointment for a family photo.  I am sure they would be interested in finding their missing link to evolution it landed on your lanai in Aventura on your over priced condo you live in or maybe it landed in your mothers crotch cause she looks like swamp thing...GOD WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?

Tune in next week for more rants and raves from the queer him self in his weekly episodes of "As Our Stomach Turns, These Are The Gays Of Our Lives!"